Mountain Dew Voltage Too Nerdcore For Minors

Posted on | May 22, 2008 | No Comments

So I’m driving back from Louisville and we pull off of West KY Parkway at about Dawson Springs to get gas. While we’re at the gas station I’m looking at the drink section and I notice a couple of new Mountain Dew drinks. I grab a MD Voltage which is apparently berry, ginseng, and some other questionable additions to the Mountain Dew equation. As the cashier is ringing me up, she frowns for a moment.

“I’ll need to see a Driver’s License.”
“For Mountain Dew?”
“That’s what it’s telling me.”

So I hand over my DL.

“You’re not old enough to buy this.”
“I’m 20 years old and I can’t buy Mountain Dew?”
“Maybe it’s got nicotine or alcohol or something in it.”
“Somehow I doubt that. How about I give you a dollar and five cents and we call it a deal?”

I should mention that the guy behind me is laughing his ass off through the whole exchange. We chalk it up to a retarded POS system and leave with my beverage of questionable legality in hand. No, I did not taste any alcohol or (God forbid) nicotine in my Dew. What I did taste was an unfortunate amount of Pepsi Blue, a failed creation from Pepsi circa 2002-2004. Which failed for a reason.

Maybe the reason you have to be 21 is so the government knows you’re old enough to realize what you’re doing to yourself, like…I don’t know. Signing up for electroshocks or something. That’s probably it.

Comments