Introducing Service as a Service®.

Introducing Service as a Service.

–NEW YORK, May 23, 2016

Bearpuncher Solutions, LLC, renowned innovative creators of Hypertext Over HTTP and Thursday, have broken the mold all over again with a new service paradigm for the connected world of everything and also things.

Service as a Service® combines the proven demand for service with the modern efficiencies of As A Service. What results is a business model familiar to many.

“Look, I invented Thursday, and if there’s anything I know, it’s that Service as a Service® is way more than just paying an employee to work for you,” was the quote from company CEO Dave Bearpuncher.

Bearpuncher continued, “To start with, you only pay the employees for the hours they’re scheduled to work. And in return, they do work for you, like make the next Facebook. You’d have to be a real [stupid person] to not see the difference.”

Bearpuncher Solutions (NYSE: MAUL) is expected to begin licensing Service as a Service® in Q3.

“This Service as a Service® is gonna be a real game-changer for the DevOpsese and Cloudmen. Everyone is going to service their business using a service-driven service model,” said Jim Bearpuncher, Director of Marketing.

“Other financial people ask me, ‘Jimmy, why would we want to license Service as a Service®? It seems awfully similar to what we’ve been doing.’ And I tell them, I tell them, look at this watch. That’s no Folex, brother.”

Many analysts have raved about the new service model, improving guidance on Bearpuncher Solutions to a Strong Buy. Some are less convinced, however.

“If someone can explain to me in twenty words or less what Bearpuncher Solutions does and how Dave Bearpuncher is a billionaire, I’ll give you a hundred bucks,” an anonymous financial advisor wrote.

“Utter rubbish. They’re trying to copyright the practice of working for money,” said another unnamed source.

Bearpuncher Solutions is confident that they are in the clear here.

“A lot of people have called us bad things in the past,” said Dr. Ronald Bearpuncher, Ph.D., Chief Theoretical Engineer for Bearpuncher Solutions. “But you know what those people don’t have? A professional baseball team, and a 380-foot yacht off the coast of Santorini where I can get drunk and yell at the fish. They’re losers. We will continue to defend all of our IP, including Service as a Service®, and enforce licensing compliance.”

Bearpuncher Solutions ended the day up $5.73 at $376.80 per share.

Don’t make these people mad.

It’s been a good week. I want to get the gaming stuff out of the way because I have something entertaining to talk about. I picked Diablo 3 back up over the weekend and man it feels like a whole different game compared to launch. Fantastic. Got a new wizard from 1 to 70 and cleared my first rift without a death. Only on Hard, mind, which is like the 2nd easiest difficulty out of 10. But I think I’ll be down that rabbit hole for quite a while.

Anyway, what I really wanted to get into. I wrote two weeks ago that I wanted to get into malware analysis and research. So I have been, meeting new people and getting in some circles. Twitter is the go-to community for this line of work, as the rapid response time and ability to talk to people you’d never met before both work in its favor.

My experience with trying to get into the inner circle of a new community is to bring something to the party. So I did, in the form of the Practical Malware Analysis starter kit, which has been a smash hit and got me a little credibility for the cost of about five hours on a Saturday morning getting the stuff I would’ve gotten at some point anyway. I also wrote up a piece on using GPOs to neuter some malware. So it got me a little cred.

That’s led to good things. I can’t be specific yet because the virus is still live and the author isn’t aware, but thanks to a community-provided sample, me and a few other guys and girls got our hands on some new ransomware, before any large campaign got underway. We were able to extract data from the software sample, and with a combination of internet sleuthing, intuition and a little luck, we’ve accomplished two big things:

  1. We added a backdoor to the ransomware, to decrypt any infection when we desire.
  2. We were able to identify the man’s name, age, and the university he attends. Unfortunately, said university is in Morocco, so I don’t think the FBI is terribly interested.

What’s crazy is that this isn’t some sort of test, something from the Practical Malware Analysis lab questions. This is real malware with real consequences for the people that get infected with it. The whole reason I wanted to get into this is to make a difference and I think I managed to do so in my first week.

Don’t misunderstand, I got a bit of a break getting something this easy to crack in my first week. I still have a ton to learn. I said this is pretty much all new content and that’s been true. Learning assembly and the whole world of unpacking, decrypting, and generally breaking open a black box is a new world. But it’s still significant, because it showed the community at large that I’m worth training. Now I can ask questions and I’ll get answers, or at least pointed to the right resources. I can’t overstate how important that is. Nobody learns alone.

We’re approaching a four-day weekend. That’ll be my first one since my first week on the job, almost exactly six months ago. I’ll be down half my staff and my boss after Wednesday, so read-only Thursday as well as Friday. We’re also approaching what is essentially a read-only month, the last two weeks of June and the first two weeks of July. The last machine we were going to bring into Nutanix was done last week so we are fully on that platform and the monolithic task we’ve been calling Nutanix since November is done.

This is gonna be a great week, too. I can feel it. My GTD article should come out this week too.

Mark’s Feed Bag, to be precise.

I gave a little mention to GTD on the NBA subreddit yesterday, noting how it would’ve made a big difference in college had I not been double-majoring in whiskey and pulled pork, and encouraged people to ask me questions about it. I got one this morning and I gave an answer in lieu of a blog post. Here it is.

Hey, if you have any spare time I’d love to talk to you about the book especially how you would do things differently back when you were studying. I haven’t read the book so I’m wondering if it will suit me.

Hey, sure. I’m on the train into work right now so I can give it a little thought. Like I mentioned, I was too concerned with keeping up appearances. GTD would’ve been a very useful tool, if I wasn’t too stubborn to take the advice. Good chance that I might’ve been. But I was doing a lot of stuff, going Greek, student council, freshman leadership council, intramural soccer, and then the actual studying for an engineering degree. My organizational system was pretty much nonexistent, if I happened to get a scrap of paper telling me when something was happening or due I kept it in my laptop bag, otherwise I tried to keep it in my head.

What that turned into was the laptop bag became a cluttered mess, and when I finished my classes for the day, I would know vaguely that there’s a lot going on, but I couldn’t think of anything specific that was due the next day, so I’d go to the fraternity house and shoot pool.

I give freshman me a lot of shit, honestly. But just having the capturing habit, to keep track of everything I have to do, would’ve given that year a fighting chance. As it was, I made a real mess of the year, lost my scholarship, and I never got a degree.

The book is honestly aimed at professionals that are engaged in what he calls “knowledge work”, where many times the end of a project is vaguely defined. But I believe it can be just as useful for a student, if that student is willing to admit that they don’t have all the answers to life yet and a self-help book is a totally acceptable thing to have.

I think these kinds of books are suitable for anyone. Even if you don’t end up using much of the content, understanding how a successful person organizes their day-to-day can always be useful. We all think differently, and drawing on the life experiences of others is a very handy shortcut for many things. When you get down to it that’s most of education, absorbing the experiences of others.

If I were doing it all over again, it would be a matter of capturing homework assignments, appointments, meetings, and so on in OneNote. For firm appointments (E.g., student council meeting), it would also go in Outlook. Between classes, I would consult my lists and make a determination on what needs to be the next task to complete. After all the classes for the day, do the same, determine what the most important thing is to do next. Sometimes the most important thing is to relax and shoot some pool, the system expects you to be aware of your mental energy remaining.

I kind of wish I could have another try at college but I make too much money now to take myself out of the workforce for years. If you’re going in, give yourself a fighting chance at succeeding.

Sorry for the wall of text, this is usually time I spend writing in my blog. Let me know if there’s anything else you’re curious about.

Also Because “Bounty Hunter” is a Rad Job Title

The last two days have involved driving to work rather than taking the train, hence a lack of writing. I did put up a post over on that might give a little clue as to what I’ve been up to.

I’ve been involved with fighting ransomware before, if only from the position of raising awareness. At the same time, I’ve been really unsure as to what I want to pursue as my next “deep” hobby. This week, it clicked. I’m going to be a malware researcher.

There are a number of things about this decision that really appeal to me. I have that innate desire to help people, and this is an opportunity to leverage skills that not a lot of people have to do so, potentially to save people from losing what might amount to their life story in digital form. From about the age of 13 on, I’ve had a fascination with hacking, and I can actually take the gloves off as a white-hat, working with teams to dissect viruses and help neutralize the source. There’s a fair amount of press (I’ll stop short of calling it fame) that can come with being a security expert. I’m not planning on leaving my job any time soon, mind you, I just like being renowned for something. It gives me an opportunity to learn an entirely separate field of computing than I’ve ever been exposed to. I’ve got about a 900-page book called Practical Malware Analysis that is pretty much all new content for me. That’s exciting for me. I also have the ability to do something that’s rare in the malware analysis scene right now, which is to quickly translate the research findings into something usable for sysadmins. I did this yesterday and it went over very well.

I’ve got my first credit in one of the best living documents on ransomware out there and it’s a great feeling. It’s a really fun community to interact with, these are all very smart people, likely very high up in various tech and security outfits. And there’s just something infinitely cool about poking and prodding viruses designed for extortion or espionage, taking them apart to see what makes them tick and how to protect the world from them, and then doing exactly that. It makes me feel really good knowing that my network is better-defended than most of the other networks on the planet, without being overly burdensome on my users.

I’m really excited for this, and I’ve already got a few lab environments set up. I’ve got the OK from by boss to build an isolated lab at work to use for research. I’ve got a nice little setup with point-to-point wireless leading to a Verizon USB modem, totally isolated from our production network.

Now, this is probably going to impact my writing schedule a bit. My laptop is perfectly capable of running the software used in analysis and reverse-engineering. It’s also more than suitable for reading a 900-page book. And quite honestly, it’s really got my interest right now. I don’t know what the end-game is, there really isn’t one in a field like this. It would be awfully cool if I was able to apply the knowledge I pick up to earn some bug bounties. There’s something really intriguing about that world, people get thousands and thousands of dollars for finding flaws and disclosing them responsibly. That’s badass. What a time to be alive.

The Department of Clever Ship Names

I finally got over the hump of one of my harder games, beating FTL Advanced Edition, and did so with only four points in weapons. It took 33 hours on Steam and probably another 10 from the “extended demo” prior. It took probably 40 attempts. Maybe I’m just not very good, and surely if I’d broke down and read a guide on the game and some weapon comparisons, I’d have had a better record up to this point than 1-40something.

Diana and I got some tennis in over the weekend, which did more to make it feel like a weekend than beating FTL did. I’ve got some soreness in my index finger, hopefully from too tight a grip rather than old bad habits involving running the index finger down one face of the handle.

The slowdown in writing isn’t really one, it’s just a question of who is seeing it. I’m about 2500 words into a guide on my new GTD implementation, and it’s been quite helpful to write it out, too. It gives you an opportunity to stop and ask yourself why you did something a particular way.

I really don’t have much this morning, pretty tired even with coffee. It’s just as well Mondays aren’t too demanding.

The Richard Simmons of Productivity

I ended up not being able to get a seat on the train with a table at all yesterday morning, hence no writing. Then on the way back, I had the table and was putting my own spin on a GTD system. ZenDone isn’t going to work out. They gave me a beta pass for their new site and app. It’s an improvement but it’s not going to work. I indicated that the next step was going to a paper-based system, but I lied. There’s one more option, which is Trello.

This will be my 4th attempt at building a GTD system, and each one has been more successful than the last. The big thing this iteration gives me is the ability to task my employees straight from my system, and we are in constant sync on where each of their tasks are. This was the biggest thing I was missing before.

The full article will be a separate blog post. I’m not 100% finished with the plan, I’m about 85% done, the rest is brainstorming if I’ve left out any tags or contexts. The post will go up after I’ve had a few weeks with the system and made any necessary changes. But I’m really excited for it.

Isn’t that a weird grown-up thing? Being really excited about a project management system? Maybe, maybe not. At the risk of badly paraphrasing David Allen, the work has changed. Fifty years ago, most work had a clearly defined beginning and end. Now a lot of what I do, it’s not obvious when I’ve actually started working on something, and it’s even less clear when I can wash my hands of it. Having a trusted system to track the work is, I think, mandatory to be the most efficient, and all the time put into architecting that system can absolutely pay itself back in less stress and easier use.

In hindsight, having a trusted system would’ve helped me years and years ago. (I’m calling my time in college years and years ago. What is happening?) So often I felt buried because there was so much going on, I felt like I’d just be able to mentally juggle all the stuff I needed to do. A full-on solution like GTD would’ve been ideal, but even just using a basic list or two would’ve helped a lot. That was adolescent pride. Those disorganized days happen to be some of my worst from a mental standpoint. Really bottomed out, full breakdown/shutdown stuff. I think that’s why I’m so eager to build and follow those solutions now. I’ve tried the alternative and it was really miserable.

Assprints In The Sand

I think we’re all creatures of habit, when you get down to it. I was bummed this morning because someone was in my usual morning seat. And I get that this isn’t school, there are no assigned seats…but if that’s not my seat, whose assprint is that?

We’re off to a much better start to the week, despite being on the wrong end of this train car. I feel altogether healthy, and ready to get to work. I’m ready to start working with ZenDone and see if it’s the answer or not. I’m cautiously optimistic about it.

Speaking of feeling altogether healthy, I wonder if I can convince myself to do this all the time, like a reverse hypochondria. Might save more sick leave that way.

I’m sad to report the loss of 0.201 bitcoin, which probably happened in 2013. I didn’t care when they were $17/BTC. Now that they’re at about $450/BTC it’s an irritation. That’s 90 bucks, man. If I’d bothered to keep mining I’d probably have a couple thousand dollars from it. I did cash out some Dogecoin, about six bucks worth. I’m on to a new cryptocurrency, Ethereum. I’m gonna stay with it this time. Every time I’ve gotten into mining, I’ve backed a good horse. The currency appreciated in value. And if I had bothered to stay with it, I’d have more money than I have now for roughly the same amount of work.

My presentation on the new file server infrastructure is finished up and approved by the sysadmin that’s actually going to be in charge of building the thing. I think we’ve got a good handle on how it’s going to go. It’s gotta go to the other managers now. This is their first time seeing me present an idea of my own outside of my second job interview with them. All I can say is that this wasn’t born out of one panicked planning session. This has been over two months of research, test labs, and discussion. It’s a good plan. It’s gotta support the whole agency for at least five years, it had better be a good plan. I’ve gotta live with the results for at least five years, it had better be a really, really good plan.

One day I might write about why I seem to be drawn to music with lyrics that are generally nonsensical (or “deep” if you want to justify their existence) but right now it sounds like the sort of pseudo-intellectual navel-gazing that makes me want to slap the shit out of 16-year old me. Maybe I just don’t want to think too hard. They don’t generally get the scrutiny they deserve.