I’ve started on a new web project, and with the number of features I want to build out it stands to be my most ambitious project yet, and it’s gonna require some new technologies. Understand that I really don’t like the thought of relying on JavaScript, due to long-standing grudges, but jQuery does offer features I’m really gonna need in this project, in a prepackaged solution. When I hear that there are quite a few Top 100 websites that make use of it, I’m reassured.

So, Project Havana, as I’m calling it right now, is fragrance-related and fills a niche that no other industry website has sufficiently covered. This will also serve as a website I can show as a portfolio piece for both the UI and backend. That’s still a field I’d love to do as a day job again, and I’ve also just recently found all the code for the largest project I’d worked on but was under NDA on for a year. So it’ll be good to have both projects available to point to. I’m being rather tight-lipped on the particulars to this project as I want to develop it at a slower pace, get each feature dialed in before moving onto the next one, and then when I have something worth putting out there, I can do it without regret or concern. So that’s new, as I usually throw up core functionality and build out the site as it’s live, add those features as people use the site.

I’m going to try and get back on the three-day writing schedule, we will see.

Even hearing that guilt is a normal mechanism for suicide survivors, it makes the burden no less onerous. The argument with myself is that I should’ve spoken to him more, let him know he had friends and we really do care and want to see him do well, and not hurt. The placating counterargument is that I’m all the way out here, and he’s so far away, how much would it have meant? How much good would it have done? It’s the pain of never having an answer to that, no matter what and no matter how much you want one. Justifiably or not, I think a lot of us share a sense of guilt.

I have had closer deaths to me, my mother nearly six years ago and my grandfather around the age of 9. But I’ve never had to deal with someone I know taking their own life. Why does it feel so different? I did have plenty of time to prepare for losing Mom, after two near-death scares and seeing her the night before she died, I knew exactly what the call was at 4:45 that morning even as I was waking up.

Perhaps it’s different because Jon was about my age, and every day I am faced with that inescapable memento mori, the reminder that I too will die; he was only 8 months older than myself. Perhaps its different because we had so many shared experiences; we were coworkers in the same department, we sought each other’s knowledge and insight on a near-daily basis. We’ve both fought drug problems. And all the stressors of life as a young teenager, with a sick mother, generally unpopular at school, no love interest to speak of, and a series of painful illnesses, led me to contemplate suicide for what had to have been a year or two, around age 14 or 15. Though I never acted on it, the knowledge that I had a plan and could end things myself whenever I desired was a macabre sort of comfort that I hope you never experience, reader.

But things eventually turned around, I’m older, wiser, and happier now than I was then. I’ve made peace with those demons of my past. I cannot help but feel like if I could find a way through those dark days, Jon could have as well; and there again is guilt, because who am I to say that? Jon was also fighting a smoking addiction and chronic pain well beyond what I dealt with. It is pain that has the most destructive effect on the psyche to me; it amplifies all those other negative emotions, and for anyone the thought of spending the rest of their life in pain can be spirit-breaking.

Did he want to be helped? In this I honestly could not say, he hid it from all of us so well that I think he felt like I once did, it was a source of comfort in the end and an attempt to discuss or intervene would be met with equal parts gratitude and derision, because they may mean well but to be honest, they have no idea. It too is unknowable, but that does precious little to quell the want for an answer.

I’m writing this in large part for myself, hoping to find some resolution, some revelation. I know I ultimately won’t be able to put it past me until I can get back to Kentucky and see his resting place. But I hope that if you knew Jon, you might get something out of this as well. If nothing else, you’re not alone in your guilt. We all feel as thought we should have done more. But these thoughts are only marginally useful and largely destructive. Now I am left more with regrets than guilt; I should have spent more time talking to him, not because it might have saved him, but because he was a friend and deserved it.

Perhaps a new year’s resolution should be to be a better friend, and make more time for those I hold dear.

In memory of Jon Michael Vance,
5/15/1987 – 11/23/2010

• Go pick up a copy of The C Programming Language. Forget about Perl, C will get you where you want to be.
• MySQL is much, much easier to get started with than Oracle, and forget about ColdFusion, it’ll be dead soon.
• JavaScript is sometimes a necessary evil. It can do things that are either way too cumbersome or flat-out impossible any other way. But don’t worry, JavaScript is becoming respectable.
• Keep all your code from old projects. You’ll be amazed how much wheel reinvention you’ll save yourself when the time comes to implement a login system again.
• All those ideas you’ve had in your head? You need to use $_POST[] and $_GET[] to make them work. That’s how you send data from page to page. GET is only useful if you only care about one variable, you’ll find yourself using POST much more often.
• Normalize your databases. If you’re storing the same data in two places, consider the best way to eliminate that redundancy. This is the cornerstone of relational databases and something you’ve got to master. You can and will make tables whose whole existence are to join two tables together via commonly used data. This is desired and much faster performance-wise. Use unique identifiers for each row, even if you think all your data will be unique; then when you need data you only have to carry that one ID with you as data flows.
• Comment your code, even if it’s after the fact. The longer you’re at it, the more you evolve and adapt different styles to do tasks, and when you look at some of your earliest code you can find yourself going, “What the hell was I trying to do here?” On the same note, try and use an identical approach to commonly used functions. For example, you’ll make a lot of MySQL queries, so using the same approach each time will instantly let you know as you scan your code that that block is a query.
  $q_selectfrags = "SELECT * FROM Fragrance WHERE (Gender = ".$gender." OR Gender = 2) AND House = '".$house."' ORDER BY Fragrance ASC";
$selectfrags = mysql_query($q_selectfrags,$conn) or die(mysql_error());
if ($selectfrags) { do $stuff; }
• On a related note, there are several ways to do loops (that is, returning a list of data), and while a do-while loop appears the easiest, and for loops are a bit more elegant, when you’re iterating through data a very efficient way of doing it is send your query, and then use while($row = mysql_fetch_assoc($result)) { blah blah, echo $row['Username']; }. It’ll do it once for every row of data returned. Instant pro.
• Keep related functions and actions in one physical file, set your forms with action=”", and give your submits unique names. Then you have whole functions that only execute if ($_POST['submitname']) { }. Fewer files to keep updated has it’s advantages, but one disadvantage is if your code is sloppy, you break a whole set of functions instead of just one. So don’t be sloppy.
• Use variable names that are descriptive enough that if you return to your code in six months, you can still tell what’s going on. $i, $j and $k are fine when you’re doing math problems for homework, but in a professional environment it just reeks of poor team skills. Others are going to be reading what you code, so go easy on them.
• Tables really aren’t that hard to learn, you pretty much just use the tr tag to specify a new row, and then td tags inside for each column within that row. Use the colspan attribute to stretch across multiple columns. This is also handy way to organize that info you’re spitting out with your while loop.
• Those paper sketches you’re doing are not going anywhere soon. There are design programs like Visio but there’s nothing as useful as sketching it out by hand, and the relationships between tables in your databases. If you can sketch it, you can code it, every single time.
• Be patient, but be creative. If you want to try designing something, go for it. It’s all useful practice for a real-world skill that can make you a lot of money.
• Listen to more Juno Reactor. It helps.

“…easy, call em on the phone and Platinum Chanel cologne and I stay, dressed, to impress…”
-Notorious B.I.G., Nasty Girl

I’m fairly sure Platinum Egoiste is the only bottle in my collection that has been rapped about, but smelling it, it’s hard not to see that Biggie was on the right track. Platinum Egoiste is an aromatic fougère, meaning it combines the fern, lavender and oakmoss trio of a traditional fougère with additional woods and spices. 1993 was a transition year for the fragrance industry, some of the last few heavy-hitters and offbeat mainstream offerings before CK One and L’Eau d’Issey Miyake in 1994 set the stage for the aquatic-dominant industry we find ourselves in now. Where most current offerings are either soapy, inoffensive aquatics, or cloying sweet club scents, Platinum Egoiste is neither, and instead opens with a blast of rosemary, clary sage and vetiver that is herbal, slightly bitter, and very “aromatic”. Give it a bit to settle down and you see that the top notes have made some room for the cedar and even a fleeting floral hint, which Basenotes lists as geranium. This combination is unique to my collection, Pasha de Cartier comes close but Platinum Egoiste does a more classy job of it. It’s fairly linear from this point, drying down and losing some of that effervescent, sparkling quality but retaining the slightly sweeter herbal scent.

It’s my belief that fougères are some of the best out there when you need to show a professional, mature side. It’s my go-to scent for job interviews, for example. It rarely overpowers unless grossly overapplied, so it’s workplace friendly. Projection is right about where I’d want it, longevity is average at 5-8 hours.

The marketing campaign for the original Egoiste in 1990 was pure Chanel, dramatic and memorable. See below.

It was another four years before viewers saw the second half of it. A rough translation would be “Selfish, you’re just selfish. You know I follow your trail like a dog. Beware, some day I will steal your perfume to finally take your place, Egoiste.”

Creator and Chanel house perfumer Jacques Polge has no lack of perfumisto street cred, with Chanel icons like Antaeus, Coco, and Allure to his credit and also created Basenotes fan-favorites Ungaro III and Tiffany For Men.

So is Platinum Egoiste a celebration of the ego? The name would lead you to believe so, and the commercials don’t exactly help, but to me it’s not all that serious about it. It is serious, however, a straight-laced sort of scent that is there to put in a full day’s work with you. Given the near-worldwide availability of Chanel, this one is available to sample at pretty much any department store, and I highly recommend doing so if you don’t have a handle on what an aromatic fougère is, or how good they can be.

This month has been the best, busiest and most life-changing month I’ve ever experienced. Let me bring you up to speed.

Back in early August, Diana and I moved in together, which involved moving out of our respective cities and into a new town. We knew where we wanted to be, but even now as I sit here, looking out the window to see the sunset casting the Sandia Mountains red, it’s hard to believe that the hard work and determination paid off and we’re really here: Albuquerque, New Mexico.

The drive out here was an experience in itself, the first day was a long drive much like any other I’ve been on. The second, however, took us through the wind farms and hills of Western Oklahoma, the stark, desolate panhandle of Texas, devoid of life save for Amarillo, which seems to pop up from nothing and leaves you back on God’s definition of the flatlands just as quickly. After Texas was two hundred miles of New Mexico, and it included the most breathtaking driving of my life, through canyons and overlooking mesas and mountain ridges in the distance that evoked a thought I’d never had before, the thought that the landscape of where you call home could truly make you happy or sad, and maybe people are happier out here just because they get little flashes of the truly awesome in their day-to-day life. The fact that Diana and I still find breathtaking new views seemingly every week is confirmation in itself that we picked the right home, and in many ways I feel like I was always meant to end up here.

After moving quickly came work, four days after moving to a town where we knew nobody and had nary a box unpacked. I transferred with Best Buy to the store out here, about a ten minute drive which was great, but I was also moved into a new department, which was less great. Even though I’ve been with the company longer than a good chunk of the people here, there’s always that strange outsider feeling that comes with moving to a new store, with a new way of doing things. I floundered in my new department until two days ago when my department transfer went through, and that in itself has made a huge difference.

Perhaps more importantly wasn’t my job situation but her’s, as she couldn’t transfer store-to-store. But a little providence, maybe a sign that we’re finally getting some reward for our persistence, and she picked up a job two and a half weeks after we moved in. She starts tomorrow and it’s going to be the start of something wonderful, there’s enough artistic connections with this coffee shop that she may be able to make some contacts and friends in the local scene.

The one thing that I was both most and least excited about was the opportunity to go back to college, a real college. Most excited because it’s going to lead to a career more fulfilling than this, least excited because I’ve let myself down with regards to school and grades in the past. I decided to just take one class this semester, a professional writing class, as I’m going to be working 30-35 hour weeks all the way into the holiday season. My first day of class today, and it wasn’t until I was leaving class, walking through this busy campus with students everywhere, strangers to a man, that I realized I’m really back in school. It was an unusual feeling, something resonating that this was what I was aiming for, and for a long time, it’s been four years since I was at a real college, some of my friends from high school probably have their degrees already. It’s maybe not the cut-and-dried path that so many get to follow, but this path is slowly becoming clearer.

Finally, what may well end up being the most momentous thing to happen to us so far happened not six hours ago, at a restaurant across the street from UNM called Frontier. Diana met me there after class for a celebratory meal and she was keeping herself occupied in the meantime by writing about some of the artwork displayed at the restaurant, which is probably 250 feet long and 30 or 40 feet deep, split into five rooms, and there’s artwork displayed on every wall, if I had to hazard a count as to individual pieces I’d say between 70 to 100, mostly paintings but also a few sculptures in various media, tapestries and native blankets, and other little gems and treasures throughout the place. She and I were discussing two paintings displayed one above the other on the wall, and comparing and contrasting the two, and we got to talking about her career goals and that they’re fairly hazy right now. She enjoys analyzing the works, and writing about them, and I suggested she write about every piece in Frontier, and ask the owner if he had a list of which is which and by whom. She ended up talking to him that day, that hour, and as it turns out nobody has really asked him anything like this before. He’s setting her up to talk to some of the artists, get to know them, maybe some interview opportunities, and I didn’t mention it at the time but it seems like if the quality is there, there may be a possibility of publishing the whole thing, a Frontier art book. The possibilities are vast and the ball’s in her court right now, but the fact that the owner’s not only willing but quite interested in helping her may really get her somewhere she wants to be professionally, it’s connections like these that do more even than a prestigious degree. I’m going to be helping her with it, I can handle the photography if nothing else, and it’s exciting for the both of us.

It’s also good to know that I can still sit every now and then and write, and push out 1000+ words with no real trouble, the goal’s been an Education degree in my head for a year or two now but I can’t really rule out writing, in any of it’s forms. This is something that I’ll be picking up again almost by necessity, working in different styles again and just getting back in the proverbial saddle. The next piece is probably going to be a review of the new album by 10 Years, with a new criteria and scoring system much like how wines are rated, it’s a system I like and I’m gonna give it a shot. So, here’s a blanket apology for my recent lapses in writing, but this is also probably the best promise to myself I could make, to treat this whole experience in New Mexico for the adventure that it is, and write accordingly.

See you in September.

So, let’s get some things straight:

I’m not a manager, I can’t do discounts via Twitter, promotions, or any of that stuff, and I won’t be involved with it if/when the time comes.

The opinions you see on the renamed account, DanielBBPaducah, are obviously mine and may not (and probably don’t) reflect on the opinions of Best Buy as a company. This is the same logic that applies to my opinions working on the floor, i.e., just because I think Canon makes the best digital camera on the market doesn’t mean corporate agrees.

I really like helping customers, it’s why I do what I do and why I choose to extend that into Twitter. Please, if I can answer questions, ask them.

My future participation in Twelpforce, if I do choose to work on that again, will be limited to on-the-clock hours, no more late night assistance, sorry.

That’s the big stuff. It’s not all bad, the fact that I’m not speaking for the store means that I can make my opinions a bit more obvious, and to me that means that I can help you a bit more efficiently (if a product is bad I don’t have to act like it isn’t). I’ve had a few too many urges to post recently so that’s why I’m getting back into it, so if you have tech questions or Paducah questions I’m keeping an eye on it once again. For those of you that were in the know as to the situtation, your support has probably been the one thing that’s kept me going at work, so thanks sincerely.

Okay no that’s all I’ve got in relation to Ice Cube. Today just went about as well as I could ever hope for a day to go. Woke up with no pain or stiffness in my ankle, got out of bed refreshed and sat in front of the new 32″ monitor (the computer hasn’t acted up in almost a week now), some Brian Eno playing as the creative juices stirred and I found myself completely caught up on my reviewing. Well, so I say, I’ve still got a bit over 30 reviews to go but I’m caught up in the niche experiment.

I’ve been in the process of trying to move up within the Office Depot company; it’s been unsuccessful but not for lack of effort. I’m currently in what’s considered a Level 1 position, and the next step up is (surprise) Level 2. One of the major conditions for working at the store I’m at currently is that I would be able to be promoted to this Level 2 position fairly quickly. Sure enough, about a month into my tenure there a spot opened up. I was told, yup, we’re all set, just gotta key you in for it. Fast forward to a week later. Nothing. Fast forward. Nothing, it never happened. The position simply isn’t there now, they chose not to fill it at all.

That wouldn’t have bothered me too much except that I was continually being led to believe that I was getting this position. If you’re not gonna do it, tell me you’re not gonna do it. Combine that with the fact that the manager in question is not what I consider a model leader (I’m wording this carefully), and it becomes pretty clear what my course of action was when I saw another Level 2 spot open up in another store in Louisville.

Turns out it’s just a bit further out, and the staff there is arguably the most highly respected in the city. Their store manager has a tremendous reputation with every manager I’ve talked to, and one of their department managers and I used to work together back at the Paducah store.

I visited the store for the first time today, it is about 5 miles further but the roads and traffic are such that the time difference is negligible. It’s also easily the nicest looking store I’ve ever been to, pictured above. Talked to the managers and everything went fantastic, I think I made a good first impression. Decided to leave and let them discuss it, went home and cooked lunch, gave them a call back around 3:30.

Here’s the situation in a nutshell. My current manager has the opportunity to match this new store’s offer; that is, either I get the promotion and raise here, or get it there. It’s entirely up to my current manager. If he realizes my worth he’ll keep me but I don’t think he does. In all truth I’d be happier at the new store so no great lost, I take a great deal of pleasure in proving people wrong about me.

Something about today’s given me a much-needed spark that’d been starting to fade. I’m more upbeat about tomorrow, confident in what I need to do and really just a hell of a lot happier than I was a week ago. Now I can only hope that everything goes as expected.

Wish me luck.