I’m afraid it’s Exploding Head Syndrome.

I feel like there should be a better barometer for being an adult than completing unwanted medical appointments. Somewhere towards the top of my list of fears is needles, and I’ve been staring down this appointment for weeks, knowing that it involved an IV whereby they supplement my blood with some bullshit that is most definitely not blood. I completed the appointment yesterday and the whole drive home I was doing these sighs of relief like I had just spent 20 minutes outrunning a hungry bear.

I bought a Fitbit Surge a couple of months ago, and it’s pretty entertaining watching my own heart rate skyrocket when anxiety kicks in. With good breathing exercises, I can get my heart rate down to about 60-62. Normally it’s around 97-100. Five minutes prior to the appointment it was 135.

What was going on was a CT scan to try and figure out what the problem is in my lower abdomen. My digestive health in general has been lousy for two or three years. I had a bit of a breakthrough a bit less than a year ago when Diana and I figured out that I’m lactose intolerant. So I’ve solved one mystery, but I’m still living with more-or-less constant pain and spasming of my lower left abdomen, a section of the colon that is particularly vulnerable to chronic problems like diverticulitis, divertculosis, and IBS. The smart money is on the latter.

We seem to do a pretty bad job of conveying the severity of an ailment with its name. Shingles are a construction thing, not a nerve-damaging rash that will affect you for the rest of your life. (The iodine injection yesterday very nearly triggered a flare-up right on the table.) Lactose intolerance sounds like you’re a milk-racist. Fuck your “ebony and ivory and strawberry” talk. See, I thought the standard response to coffee with cream was hours of diarrhea. I thought that was why people drank it. I never could figure out where the hours of debilitating nausea came from though.

On that note, if this is in fact irritable bowel syndrome, it is a fair bit worse than the name indicates. It sounds like you tend to fart when angry or something. In reality, I haven’t gone a week without my stomach really bothering me in years. It’ll be a couple good days and then I can’t even lay down in the ways I normally would to sleep, because the pressure on my stomach would be just too much to bear.

I’m thankful it’s not something worse, though. I’m not so riddled with health problems that I am not able to come on here and write about some bullshit. I’m able to fit into small spaces and stuff. Just surprised I was able to talk myself into going in the first place. I feel good about that.