Sunrise Deferred

This is a year where I’ve been looking forward to Daylight Saving Time very much. With the job requiring about a 90-minute commute each way to work, in winter that meant I was going to work before the sun came up, and didn’t get out until the sun was down. So today, I know there’ll be plenty of sunlight when I get home, nearly another hour. But I neglected to think of what it would do to the mornings, which is essentially reset it to how it looked in November when I started this job.

There’s that part of me that always likes to tease out a deeper meaning to the mundane, that this would feel like a reset of my time at this job. That part of me is kind of a silly pseudointellectual asshole. The fact is, even if it was a reset, the last four months have been great, and were I to start again with the familiarity with the people and the experience with the infrastructure that I’ve accumulated, I’d crush it.

I’m in my probationary period with the state until this coming November, right around Thanksgiving. Last year it was pretty slick, getting to start with a three-day week and having all those holidays, and the relaxed atmosphere of the place. If you ever get a chance to accept a life-changing job offer, I highly recommend doing it around Thanksgiving.

I had a bout of…something, on Saturday. It felt an awful lot like depression, with a side-order of spring allergies. I know there doesn’t have to be something immediately wrong to trigger depression, and it has taken a long time to not blame myself for it. I felt fine again yesterday. Diana writes through her problems in a private diary. I write through them on a public platform. My reasoning is that it may help someone that didn’t realize they weren’t the only one feeling a certain way. It was a discussion on anxiety on a message board somewhere years ago that helped me understand what it even was.

I’ve spent probably twenty minutes staring into space and not thinking of a thing to write. I need some more sleep.