Eggs Isn’t Bugs
I’ve struggled with anxiety around writing today, despite earlier posts on the topic. I should probably pick Writing Down the Bones back up, that would probably be the kick in the ass I need. In any event, once I get started it’s fine.
It’s not like I’m writing for an audience.
Felt a bit unwell today, which is probably selling it short but that’s fine. I did get a few things ready to resume my Japanese study. I’ve been studying off and on for about five years, more off than on unfortunately, but I have been consistent in at least listening to Japanese so I’ve been developing my ear the whole time. I think I’m going to resume by reviewing all the stuff learned thus far, and not really overplan it, just pick up the next chapter and go with the system that was working fine, though I have some new resources now via YouTube for deeper understanding of more difficult grammar concepts.
It’s honestly a very straightforward language to learn, from a structural standpoint. Almost everything follows expected patterns, and learning the patterns is fairly simple. It’s just a loop of learning vocabulary, grammar, and kanji. Some people prioritize one over the others, but I don’t really see the sense in that, you’ve gotta have it all before it’s useful. Proficiency in the language is measured in five stages, where N5 is the easiest and N1 is quite capable, if not completely fluent or mastered. I’m working on N4 at this point, I can construct simple sentences and know most survival-level stuff, but it doesn’t take much to throw me off or put me in unfamiliar territory. It should’ve been done much faster than this, but I also have had to put it down several times as bipolar got the better of me. Feeling in a more stable place now, I think it’s time to try again. Even a few months of consistent study would get me a long way.
The only other thing I’ve really got going on right now is a video game I want to make, but don’t have the supporting documentation sufficiently put together to start in earnest. I have rough ideas about a great many facets of it, but I know I don’t have enough of any specific part to actually complete any of it. Sometimes I’m in the right state of mind to work on it, and most of the time I’m not, and that’s okay. It definitely gets my best moments though, where I can more easily generate the sort of silliness and absurdity I want in the game.
I’ve still been dealing with that restless feeling in the evenings, when I feel like I should be working on something but don’t know what. The study might help with that, if nothing else I can practice my handwriting and I think that will scratch the itch.
I purposely dropped a lot of projects to give myself some breathing room. And for once, I don’t have a web project that’s jumping out at me that I should be doing. That’s really bizarre, and it’s a notable absence; I don’t think I’ve been in such a state since about 2002, and thinking about it it probably goes back further than that. I was working on projects in 2001 and 2002, it might be the first time since 2000 I’m not actively working or planning a web project. It might be because my life is simplifying, and my current interests already have rich resources available that I wouldn’t be able to significantly enhance. I’ve tossed various ideas around that are closer to home lab projects than architecting something new, really just keeping those skills sharp, but those skills are expensive to exercise for fun and have ongoing support needs I’m not comfortable obligating myself to.
I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday, my first visit with primary care in a few years, and it’s at a new place so I’m just hoping for the best. If it feels appropriate I’m going to ask about GLP-1s, there’s a particular one that’s been studied and seems safe for folks with stable bipolar.
Nothing particularly deep this time as I haven’t really been in the right mindset for it, but this feels like a pattern worth re-establishing.
