Category: News

September 10, 2008

Dear Mr. McCain

I understand that you were a P.O.W. The actions that you took in Vietnam represents the kind of heroism that makes America great. However it’s not really a viable platform to run for president, is it? Perhaps we could discuss silly things like the economy, education reform, healthcare reform, alternative energy, and global warming (as soon as you can convince the GOP’s counter to the black vote in woman form that global warming does, in fact, exist). Good luck with that, by the way; I would think Alaskans would see the damage first-hand but what the hell do I know? This is not to say that you do not have an opinion on these issues, but I don’t know what it is because it’s never made mention of when you have the opportunity to speak. Basically that’s it, I hope this finds you in good health, and I hope that you stop listening to the PR gurus that think you can coast into the Oval Office by using the same patriotic pseudo-scare tactics as your predecessor and take a stand on the issues.

The Management… (More) “Dear Mr. McCain”

May 22, 2008

Mountain Dew Voltage Too Nerdcore For Minors

So I’m driving back from Louisville and we pull off of West KY Parkway at about Dawson Springs to get gas. While we’re at the gas station I’m looking at the drink section and I notice a couple of new Mountain Dew drinks. I grab a MD Voltage which is apparently berry, ginseng, and some other questionable additions to the Mountain Dew equation. As the cashier is ringing me up, she frowns for a moment.

“I’ll need to see a Driver’s License.”
“For Mountain Dew?”
“That’s what it’s telling me.”

So I hand over my DL.

“You’re not old enough to buy this.”
“I’m 20 years old and I can’t buy Mountain Dew?”
“Maybe it’s got nicotine or alcohol or something in it.”
“Somehow I doubt that. How about I give you a dollar and five cents and we call it a deal?”

I should mention that the guy behind me is laughing his ass off through the whole exchange. We chalk it up to a retarded POS system and leave with my beverage of questionable legality in hand. No, I did not taste any alcohol or (God forbid) nicotine in my Dew. What I did taste was an unfortunate amount of Pepsi Blue, a failed creation from Pepsi circa 2002-2004. Which failed for a reason.

Maybe the reason you have to be 21 is so the government knows you’re old enough to realize what you’re doing to yourself, like…I don’t know. Signing up for electroshocks or something. That’s probably it.… (More) “Mountain Dew Voltage Too Nerdcore For Minors”

April 28, 2008

Pat Riley steps down. :(

Can’t really blame Riley for the team going 15-67. That’s really a group effort, to attain those lofty levels of mediocrity. As a Miami boy I’m going to miss seeing him on the floor, but maybe Spoelstra can turn the team around.

It’s a bad time to be a fan of Miami sports in general. :(… (More) “Pat Riley steps down. :(”